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This week's newsletter is a 3-minute read (824 words).

The Grief of Unbecoming.

There’s a part of growth that doesn’t get a spot in the limelight…

the grief.

In most of my content, I talk about becoming a new version of yourself and creating a life that feels more aligned with who you are and what you want.

And don’t get me wrong, all of that is real and true.

But there’s a less glamorous aspect of growth that I’ve been thinking a lot about lately.

The unbecoming part. Or the part of growth that means letting go of who you used to be.

Even when certain versions of you no longer fit. Even when you know it’s time to move on. It can still be sad and hard to let go.

Because that version of you went through some shit. They carried you through things. Made decisions based on what they knew at the time. That version helped you survive, adapt, and figure it out.

And you don’t just walk away from that without feeling something.

I made a post last week about how when I came out as gay, the hardest part was redefining my identity, or unbecoming.

Up until I realized I was gay, I had built an entire identity around a different version of myself. And even though I wasn’t who I truly was, it was the only version of myself I knew how to be.

There was no overnight switch. It was a years long process that was layered with grief. And I spent a lot of time in this in-between land where I could tell I wasn’t the same person I used to be, but I didn’t fully fit into the shoes of who I knew I was yet.

Because when you change, things around you change too. Your boundaries shift. Your interests shift. How you show up in every aspect of your life shifts.

And that’s where the grief shows up.

You don’t really understand it until you experience it. And when you do experience it, it feels weird. But you can miss versions of your life that you don’t actually want back.

You can feel nostalgic for a time in your life that you know wasn’t meant to be a part of your life forever.

You can question and doubt yourself even when you know you’re moving in the right direction.

Trust me, it’s a really fucking weird place to be. Because it doesn’t feel like it should make sense. That feeling of wanting more for yourself while also feeling the weight of what you’re leaving behind.

But that doesn’t mean something is wrong. Or that you shouldn’t keep moving forward.

It’s just the inherent nature of change. And at times, it just doesn’t make fucking sense. But, again, that doesn’t mean something’s wrong.

I used to think that growth was supposed to feel exciting all the time.

And it sucks that’s how it’s often portrayed, especially on social media.

Because let me tell you, real growth, like the kind that truly changes you and gets you closer to who you want to be and the life you want to live, is hella layered.

Yes, there are times when it’s exciting. But there’s also a lot of uncertainty.

There’s forward movement AND moments when you really wish you could just go back to what feels familiar.

And grief lives inside all of that.

But here’s a really important thing I’ve learned about grief.

It’s not limited to loss. Sometimes it just means that something mattered.

And to apply that to this context…

Those versions of you who you used to be, they mattered. In some cases, a lot.

And that’s why forward movement puts you in your #feels.

So give yourself some space to grieve. Because you’re allowed to feel it.

You’re allowed to honor what you’re leaving behind while still moving forward.

That’s what it means to be On The Rise.

Until next time. Cheers to evolving.

Coach Tay

P.S. You can miss something and still know it’s not meant for you anymore.

1. Ready for clarity? Whether you’re redefining yourself after military service, stepping more fully into authenticity, navigating a career shift, or simply realizing your current life no longer fits, my one-on-one coaching could be perfect to help you step into your next life chapter with clarity and confidence. Jump on a free discovery call with me and let’s talk! Start HERE!

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